It’s almost 6am and I finished reading the book almost half an hour ago. I’m still wiping the tears off my face but it is merely impossible to do so. I am just here pondering and baffled at how I could strongly relate to it all. In my case, lets replace cancer with depression. My ex boyfriend, Vincent Lopez, whom I lost on November 26 this year, was truly my Augustus Waters. He was imperfectly perfect, in my eyes. He had this amazing sense of humor and was one of the most positive energies of the room 99% of the time. He was in love with his guitar and played it everywhere he could: the cafeteria, the school hallways in between classes, and even during class. I was a Miami girl while was a Houston boy. I was dragged to Houston against my will on January 2009. I was getting into too much trouble with my boyfriend at the time and my mom figured it was best to send me away to live with my uncle and his family. The first week there, my aunt, my mom, and I went from high school to high school looking to see who would accept me. I finally got accepted into Milby High and started within the week. I can honestly say I hated it with a passion. The ugly khaki pants and yellow polo shirts as uniform. It was just the worst. The first few days, I would eat lunch on the stairs and just cry cus of how depressed I was. I told myself I wouldn’t make friends because I didn’t want to get attached to that city or its people. Within the week, I decided to just sit in the cafeteria, even if I had to sit in a table alone. That day I had 2 cheerleaders approach me and ask me if I was sitting alone. I had no choice but to confess and they insisted I sat with them and their group of friends. They weren’t stuck up cheerleaders though. They sat with the nerdiest kids and joked about the dumbest things and I loved it. Of course, they asked me a million and one questions. In the middle of my mini interrogation, this gorgeous dark haired boy walks into the cafeteria and gets in the lunch line. I can vividly remember what he looked like: black tee, black faded jeans, a pair of old black and white vans, black gauges (tunnels to be exact- possibly 7/16s), guitar in its case, hanging from his shoulder. He was so perfect in my eyes and I couldn’t help but stare. One of the cheerleaders noticed me staring and purposely called him over. “VINCENT! Come here love!”, she screamed. He ran over to her and gave her the biggest bear hug. I was definitely jealous.

There is just too much to say right now so I’ll complete the rest of this post tomorrow (or later on in the day).

I just wanted to write to you today and let you know that I’ve been my strongest today out of the entire week, ever since I heard about you being gone. I’ve realized that I’m going to be okay and I want you to know that. I miss you more and more each day, but I’m slowly accepting the fact that you won’t be coming back. Thank you for making such an impact in my life; thank you for being one of the sweetest I boyfriends ever. Thank you for loving me, even if you were a thousand miles away. I love you, I’ll never stop loving you. I want to let you know that you will always have a place in my heart. This has been one of the roughest weeks of my life, but the fact that I’m alive today is what keeps me going. I wish you had the strength that I have now. If you did, I know for a fact that you would be here today. I know you fought for your freedom, but it’s sad how you gave up and just decided to lose your battle. I respect the fact that you wanted out because I know that you’ve been wanting it for a while now. There’s so many things I wish I would’ve done but at the same time I feel that it wouldn’t have made a difference today. I just want to tell you again that I love you and that will never change. I would you can somehow read this, but it’s understandable that you can’t. Hopefully we will meet again some time soon. I love you, sugar. Always and forevermore.

there must be something wrong with me. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong, but this is the fourth time this happens to me this year. I’ll talk to a guy for over a month or so and just like that, from one day to the next, they no longer have feelings for me. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong or what is going on, but it is the worst feeling ever. I’m not sure if this is my karma for turning down guys (the few that ever liked me), or for treating my recent boyfriends bad at some point in our relationship. I know I’m not beautiful or anywhere near perfect, but I would like to know what is wrong with me. this one hurt the most cus I honestly saw something different out of all of them. I just want to lay in bed and watch movies for the rest of the weekend. I haven’t felt this depressed in a really, REALLY long time.

beyond ecstatic right this very moment. To start off, Nick bought me a McFlurry and delivered it to my house lmao. Secondly, Deftones’ album “Koi No Yokan” is finally in my iTunes and currently being transferred to my iPod and iPhone :D Just waiting for the actual copy to come in the mail, along with the t-shirt and the poster. I also got the most needed mani/pedi everrrr! My nails look amazingggg and I feel like I can conquer the world now lol. I should go to sleep tho, I have to be up at 6am for class :x

goodnightttttttt

people’s reactions to Miley Cyrus’s haircut. please, get your own life and let the bitch be. everybody loves to be a critic but never like to be criticized. walking contradictions, I tell you.

I’m a girl, so expect pictures of my nails. I love art, so expect pictures of paintings and galleries I attend. I love music, so expect pictures of shows I attend. I love nature, so expect landscape scenery pictures and naked women on your dashboard. if you don’t like it, don’t follow.

I just love Wynwood Saturdays. I alwayssss end up going with new people; it’s just such a great vibe. I’ve been going since like last year October and I’m never disappointed. every second Saturday of the month is planned for Art Walk. it’s the highlight of the month for me (unless a favorite artist of mine is in town to perform). speaking of which, Amon Tobin is coming next month 😍 so is Circa Survive and a lot more artists are coming in October. I need to purchase my tickets ASAP. gotta get tickets for:
Juicy J (next week Friday)
Minus the Bear (Oct 22)
10 Years (Oct 14)
Boys Noize (Nov 23)
M83 (Sept 26)
Taking Back Sunday (Nov 7)

anywayyyy, I’m out of topic already. in a nutshell, today was awesome. I’ll be posting up some pictures tomorrow (:

I don’t follow most of my followers, and my dashboard is dead. so i’ll be going through my follower’s list now (:

it’s 4AM in Miami and I’m still awake on tumblr. story of my fucking life every night 😒

till I finally leave work. this 11 hour shift has draggedddd! I want to leave already 😣